| (no subject) |
[Sep. 5th, 2006|05:02 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | my room.. | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  depressed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | if you're not the one - daniel bedingfield | ] |
something someone sent me that, well.. hit me pretty hard..
She is a 24-year old copywriter. He is an architect.
They met and became lovers in college. They broke up
last year but remained to be "friends." They send
sweet text messages and he calls her often to make
sure she's okay. They still date. They still have sex.
They don't see anyone else. It is obvious that they
still love each other but when asked about their
situation, she doesn't know the real score. Even her
friends are in the dark. "Parang sila, pero hindi."
She works in a telecom. He is reviewing for the board.
They are in the same barkada. They talk on the phone
till 4 am. He gives her chocolates, flowers and CDs
even when there is no occasion. Their friends are
suspecting something. Bakit sila nagsosolo kapag may
overnight inuman? Why does he hold her close on the
dance floor? Bakit sila magkaholding hands lagi?
Sila kaya?
"He hasn't admitted anything," she rants. "But I let
him hug and kiss me.
Parang kami, pero hindi."
They work together in an ad agency. After office, they
would watch movie, have dinner and stroll at
Glorietta. She gave him Harry Potter books for his
birthday in exchange for posing as her boyfriend to
make an ex jealous they made out during the company
outing in Subic and never talked about it. He said "I
love you" once but she wasn't sure if she heard him
correctly because they were both drunk then. But one
thing she is sure of is her feelings for him. She
likes him. And she's assuming that with what he's
doing to her and with her, he likes her, too.
She wants to believe that "sila na" but then she's not really sure
about it. "We don't talk about it but it doesn't
really matter," she'd tell her friends. "What's
important is I am enjoying this -- whatever it is."
The "parang kayo, pero hindi" stage. Others call it MU
or mutual understanding. Pseudo-relationships.
Pseudo-boyfriends. Flings. Almost like a relationship,
but not quite. It is a phase where the persons
involved are more than friends, but not quite lovers.
Puwedeng may verbal agreement, puwedeng wala. One or
both of you may have admitted your feelings, possible
ding hindi. You just let your gestures do the talking
for you. Walang pormal na ligawan na nangyari. Hindi
kayo mag-syota. Pero sa kilos n’yo, sa mga sinasabi
n’yo, parang kayo, pero hindi.
This kind of "relationship" can happen at different
stages for different reasons. It can happen after a
break-up. You still love each other, and you want to
be with each other but you broke up for a reason. And
for reasons that you alone know, ayaw n’yo na muna
magkabalikan.
It can also happen before a relationship, iyong pareho
kayong nakikiramdam. Possible din na ayaw n’yo munang
mag-seryoso kaya kunwa-kunwarian
lang muna. Testing lang.
Puwede ring hindi puwedeng maging kayo kasi isa sa
inyo --usually the guy --may ka-relasyon na. Kaya
habang hindi pa siya nakikipag-break doon sa girl
(sabi niya makikipag-break siya soon pero di naman
niya ginagawa), wala muna kayong relasyon para nga
naman hindi siya nangagaliwa kasi "hindi naman kayo."
This pseudo-relationship stage, for a time, can be
fun. Lalo na kung naghahanap ka lang naman ng
"kalaro." Pero huwag ka lang mag-e-expect na may
patutunguhan kayo kasi wala talagang kasiguraduhan.
So bakit ang daming nagse-settle sa ganitong set up
ganoong hindi naman sigurado kung may patutunguhan?
Iba't ibang dahilan. Puwedeng for fun lang. Puwedeng
"buti na iyan kesa wala" or puwede na iyang
"pantawid-gutom." Meaning, habang wala pa iyong the
real thing, doon muna sa kunwa-kunwarian.
For those who are not in a serious relationship, they
would think that pseudo-relationship is better than no
relationship at all. It would be fun, if all you are
after for is that "kilig" feeling. Aminado naman ako
na once upon a time, may mga pseudo-relationships din
ako. No commitments involved. For the simplest reason
that they couldn't commit, because they were either
committed to someone else, or that they weren't ready
to commit.
My rationalization, "okay na iyun, kesa wala." Ang
habol ko lang naman, iyong kilig feeling. Iyong merong
nagtatanong kung kumusta araw ko. Iyong merong
ka-cuddle sa beach outing. Iyong kapag tumunog ang
cellphone, mapapangiti na ako dahil alam kong galing
sa kanya ang message. Iyong merong laging kasama.
Habang wala pa ang the real thing, puwede na itong
pagtiyagaan.
But then I learned that although it was only a
pseudo-relationship, the emotions were real. And
usually, in this kind of set up, ang babae lagi ang
lugi.
Una, you can't ask him to commit. Since it's not
really a relationship, you can't demand commitment
from your partner. Ano ba kayo? May K ka nga ba
magpasundo ng hatinggabi? You will always be uncertain
about your role in his life. You can't expect him to
be always there with you. And if you feel jealous of
the other girls, you just have to keep it to yourself.
Ano ka ba niya para magselos?
Pangalawa, what if you fall deeply in love with him?
You can't be sure if he feels the same way. Baka
nag-a-assume ka lang na mahal ka rin niya. Even if you
are dying to tell him you love him, you can't. Because
you're not sure if he'll like it. Baka mapahiya ka
lang. This stage will always make you wonder where you
are in the relationship. Or if there is a relationship
at all.
Pangatlo, what if you become attached too much? What
if you have invested all your emotions and this man
hasn't? What if you remain faithful to him, not
entertaining other guys, only to find out that he is
seeing other girls?
Isa pang downside ng pseudo-relationships, it is
fleeting. When a disagreement sets in, or when one of
you gets cold, then that would be the end of it.
Unlike in a serious relationship, hindi mo alam kung
saan ka lulugar sa isang pseudo-relationship. Wala
kang pinanghahawakan. Kasi sa pseudo-relationship,
there is no "us." Meron lang "you and me," hindi "us."
Buti sana kung pseudo-pain din lang ang mararanasan
mo. Kaso, hindi eh. Real pain. And usually, kahit
tapos na ang pseudo-relationship, hindi mo maiwasan
umasang one day, may karugtong pa rin iyun. And you
will be miserable, hoping to bring back what you used
to have, only to find out eventually that the guy is
in another pseudo-relationship with somebody else.
Ang hirap, ano? You agreed to this kind of set up for
fun and then you'd end up hurting yourself in the
process. Pero puwede naman maiwasan ang pain eh.
Puwede naman na hindi mo muna isipin ang future and
just enjoy the feeling, without thinking of the
consequences.
But if you are certain that you are going to hurt
yourself in the process, kailangan mo mamili. You can
be happy and live the moment without worrying what
would happen next. Or you can stop settling with
pseudo- relationships and wait for the real thing.
When I was younger and in a pseudo-relationship with
an unavailable guy, a friend told me, "Sige, kung ayaw
mong magpapigil, bahala ka. Magpakasaya ka. Pero huwag
kang iiyak-iyak pagkatapos, dahil tatadyakan kita."
Ang bottom line lang naman, kung magpapasaya sa iyo,
gawin mo. Ihanda mo lang ang sarili mo sa consequence.
Dahil ang "parang kayo pero hindi" stage ay bihirang
nagiging totoo. Usually, hanggang doon lang siya ...
........almost, but not quite. |
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cristelly's journal
drained
artistic
calm
crazy
my dgroup sa camp..
wacky sabi eh..
me, a victim of Mr. Dino Perez! (the guy in red)
matchin outfit5s with miela!!!
my gorgeous plate of food!!!!
me and gian. 
me and issa 
me and jino 
me and chuck 
jo,me and issa 
sishy polly,me and loverboi!!!
busy
cold
<--- nikki! mikko!!--> 
<---chuck yenny!!---> 
<---yen and nikki!!! SUMO----> 
<---- aoo, carolyn and jO!!!!
me and jc at abs..
andrea and i, correspondents at yspeak..taping at Don Bosco.
bianca, andrea and moi!
ryan, andrea and me agen! (after taping)